3am
ever dreaded something so bad that you wished it never came? or that when it came, you're left wishing it would pass? that aptly describes my present predicament, yet the irony of it all is that i feel i'm frozen in time.
how one test can determine my future is something i have yet to get over. really.
i have to admit, that life will never be smooth sailing. but it will never be right without God. but at present i feel the need to constantly check myself and ensure that He is in control. i think i'm worrying too much - about the test; about next year; about people; about camp, and well, just about almost everything. i feel rather...lost as of late. i'm struggling to cope with a lack of security. it's just not me to feel comfortable when there's a lack of structure, security, and concrete plans. i hate the answer "i don't know". i need to know what i'm doing. i need to know where i'll be. and in all the anxiety i realise i'm drifting from God. i'm not backsliding, but i'm just taking my eyes off Him and unto the circumstances that surround me.
i love being emotional. really. i will not deny my emotions; i'm often true with them. why would anyone deny them, when your emotions are what allow you to feel God's Love?
"the joy of the Lord is your strength. smile always."
now i can trade these ashes in for beauty
and wear forgiveness like a crown
come in to kiss the feet of mercy
i lay every burden down
at the foot of the cross
for You have won my heart ;
and wear forgiveness like a crown
come in to kiss the feet of mercy
i lay every burden down
at the foot of the cross
for You have won my heart ;
3:01 AM
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